Charter's Customer Service is THE BEST

About a week ago, I contacted Charter Customer Service via their web chat in order to "re-up" my promotion with them. Although Charter is an awful company, we have a lot of TVs around the house and Charter is much, much cheaper than any of the alternatives due to the need for so many receivers with other providers.

Anyway, I had the following chat with them, which I found funny enough to copy and share with a number of my friends and family. Obviously, I'm kind of being an over-the-top, pompous "nice guy" throughout ... but the way it gets dished back to me is hilarious.

Due to the reaction from the friends and family I already shared this with, I figured I would post it publicly and allow others to enjoy the comedy. Here goes:

You have been connected to DAC Rio .
DAC Rio :  My name is DAC Rio. Thank you for contacting Charter Chat Sales, I’ll be taking care of you today! How can I help you?
Bob Wothe:  Good morning.
DAC Rio :  Morning.
Bob Wothe:  I'm currently a customer and have on my calendar that my current promotional pricing runs out next month, so I wanted to check to see what else Charter can offer.
DAC Rio :  I would be happy to see what we have going on right now.
DAC Rio :  To get started, may I have your full address including zip code or the account number to bring up your account?
Bob Wothe:  XXXXXXXXXXXX
DAC Rio :  Thank you very much for that information. Please bear with me just a moment.
DAC Rio :  Thanks Bob. If I may access your account, could I please have the security code (4 digit code found on upper right corner of your statement) or the PIN (4 or 5 digit code that you chose as a personal identifier when starting your services)?
Bob Wothe:  The account number is XXXXXXXXXXXX
DAC Rio :  Thank you.
DAC Rio :  Might I ask what you are currently doing for phone service?
Bob Wothe:  We do not have a home phone, nor are we truly interested in one.
DAC Rio :  Not a problem.
DAC Rio :  I deeply apologize for the inconvenience, but being in Charter's New Sales Department, I am unable to apply new sales codes to an account. Would it be alright for me to transfer you to a Specialist in our Customer Care Department so you will receive the most accurate assistance? They will be able to read through our chat transcript so you do not have to repeat yourself.
Bob Wothe:  Sure! Thank you.
DAC Rio :  My pleasure, one moment please.
DAC Rio has left the session.
Please wait while we find an agent from the CHAT - MDVL - RETENTION department to assist you.
All agents are currently busy. Please stand by.
You have been connected to TTM Rhonda .
TTM Rhonda :  Hello, my name is Rhonda. Welcome to Charter's Live Online Chat.
Please give me a few moments to review the chat notes and your account. Thank you.
Bob Wothe:  Good morning! Thank you.
TTM Rhonda :  I would be concerned with the billing also,
I will be more then happy to see what we can do with your bill.
TTM Rhonda :  Please hold while I check on this account. Thank you.
TTM Rhonda :  I have this promotion available.
TTM Rhonda :  Our $89.98 24 month price guarantee includes Digital Home (expanded basic and a box),
12 meg Internet, and wire maintenance. With this the price will not change on the package
for 2 years. Please keep in mind this does not include the Internet modem $7.00
or any of the extras that you may have on the account.
This does involve a service agreement, I will send you the terms
Bob Wothe:  That sounds like a good start. I don't think we'll need the wire maintenance, though, so we can take that off, but we do want to keep our DVR and HD service.
Bob Wothe:  (We also own our own modem, FYI.)
TTM Rhonda :  This is the plan as is.
TTM Rhonda :  No substitutions or changes.
Bob Wothe:  So we're being forced to pay for wire maintenance and can't get DVR or HD?
TTM Rhonda :  You asked for the plan and this is the plan.
Bob Wothe:  I appreciate that.
Bob Wothe:  I'm just looking for clarification: Can we keep our DVR and HD?
TTM Rhonda :  Yes. you can.
Bob Wothe:  But we can't remove the wire maintenance, correct?
TTM Rhonda :  correct.
Bob Wothe:  Very good, thank you. So, we'd be paying $89.98 for the expanded basic + Internet + wire maintenance. What would the total monthly charges come to, then, if have DVR and HD as extras?
TTM Rhonda :  This information can be found on page 3 of your bill.
Bob Wothe:  Oh, I'm sorry, I don't have that in front of me. Could you please assist me with that?
TTM Rhonda :  89.98 + 15.00 (DVR) + 10.00 sportsview
TTM Rhonda :  But you supplied your account number.
TTM Rhonda :  Before taxes and fees.
Bob Wothe:  I'm OK with dumping the sportsview to save $10/month.
Bob Wothe:  Is there no longer an HD charge?
TTM Rhonda :  As long as you have the DVR HD will be free.
Bob Wothe:  Oh, very nice.
TTM Rhonda :  This is also on page 3 of your bill.
TTM Rhonda :  You have not been paying for it.
Bob Wothe:  So, $89.98 + $15 for the DVR = $104.98 per month before taxes and fees
TTM Rhonda :  Yes.
Bob Wothe:  And that's good for 24 months? No early cancellation fees would apply?
TTM Rhonda :  Here are the terms.
TTM Rhonda :  1. You have selected the Charter Bundle Package with the 24–month Price Guarantee.
2. You agree to subscribe to the entire package and make timely payments for 24 months beginning on the first day
you receive High Speed Internet service under this offer.
3. If you cancel ALL OR PART of this package you will be subject to an early termination fee of up to $150 during
the two year service agreement and the price guarantee discount will no longer apply.
The early termination fee will decrease by $5 for each month you have successfully fulfilled the agreement.
4. Fees for additional services, EQUIPMENT, and installation may apply.
5. Charter’s standard service terms and conditions also apply.
6. After the 24-month period expires, standard rates apply.
7. This Package is offered with Charter's standard 30-Day Money Back Guarantee.
TTM Rhonda :  I have set up the 24 month guarantee as you requested. You will need to be called to go through the 3rd party
verification. Please be advised that if this is not complete, you will be charged the regular monthly rate for all services.
Bob Wothe:  Wow, I'm not interested in that if there's an early termination fee.
TTM Rhonda :  Is there anything else I can help you with?
Bob Wothe:  Yes, I'm not interested in a package with an early termination fee.
Bob Wothe:  What other options are there?
TTM Rhonda :  Ten dollars of cable and ten dollars off Internet. This will be for 6 months to a year promotion.
Bob Wothe:  Ten dollars off of what price?
TTM Rhonda :  The regular price of those services.
TTM Rhonda :  $59.99 cable.
Bob Wothe:  What is the regular price of those services?
TTM Rhonda :  $44.99 Internet.
TTM Rhonda :  Would you like that promotion?
TTM Rhonda :  Would you like to go to billing?
Bob Wothe:  No, you're being very helpful, thank you.
TTM Rhonda :  Is there anything else I can help you with?
Bob Wothe:  So, really, I'd be paying $49.99 for cable and $34.99 for internet, which comes out to $84.98. And there's no early termination on that, correct? And then I'd include the $15 DVR for a total price of $99.98, yes?
TTM Rhonda :  Is this what you would like me to add to your account?
Bob Wothe:  If what I stated above is accurate, yes please!
TTM Rhonda :  Please hold while I set up these promotions.
TTM Rhonda :  sportsview for $10.00 will be on the total amount.
TTM Rhonda :  And HD ultraview for $5.00.
Bob Wothe:  I thought there wasn't an HD charge if I have a DVR?
Bob Wothe:  And I'm OK with removing the sportsview tier.
TTM Rhonda :  There isn't.
TTM Rhonda :  to make this change will be a onetime fee of $1.99.
Bob Wothe:  Wait, what change?
TTM Rhonda :  [10:31:01] Bob Wothe: So, really, I'd be paying $49.99 for cable and $34.99 for internet, which comes out to $84.98. And there's no early termination on that, correct? And then I'd include the $15 DVR for a total price of $99.98, yes?
TTM Rhonda :  [10:31:37] TTM Rhonda : Is this what you would like me to add to your account?
[10:32:04] Bob Wothe: If what I stated above is accurate, yes please!
TTM Rhonda :  [10:34:33] Bob Wothe: And I'm OK with removing the sportsview tier.
Bob Wothe:  Is there an easy place to locate what's on the Sportsview and Ultraview tiers?
TTM Rhonda :  please hold.
Bob Wothe:  Nevermind, I found it. You can remove Sports View and Ultraview.
TTM Rhonda :  300 Fox Soccer

301 Fox College Sports - Atlantic

302 Fox College Sports - Central

303 Fox College Sports - Pacific

304 ESPNews

305 Fuel TV

306 CBS Sports Network

307 Mav TV

309 The Sportsman Channel

310 ESPN U

311 Outdoor Channel

312 ESPN Classic

313 The Tennis Channel

314 World Fishing Network

321 BTN - Extra1

322 BTN - Extra2
Bob Wothe:  Thank you.
Bob Wothe:  So, yes, as previously stated, I'm on board with paying $49.99 for cable and $34.99 for internet, which comes out to $84.98. And then I'd include the $15 DVR for a total price of $99.98.
Bob Wothe:  And is that a 6 month or 12 month promotion, then?
TTM Rhonda :  12 months. Your new billing will be $101.13 before taxes and fees for the next year.
TTM Rhonda :  Is there anything else I can help you with?
Bob Wothe:  Perfect. Thank you for your assistance.
Bob Wothe:  And there's no change fee then, correct?
TTM Rhonda :  [10:34:53] TTM Rhonda : to make this change will be a onetime fee of $1.99.
TTM Rhonda :  [10:34:53] TTM Rhonda : to make this change will be a onetime fee of $1.99.
TTM Rhonda :  Is there anything else I can help you with?
Bob Wothe:  I would appreciate it if you could waive that change fee, please.
TTM Rhonda :  I made a change to your account and it is $1.99.
Bob Wothe:  Could you please waive it?
TTM Rhonda :  • A standard Change of Service fee applies to all* No Truck/Office Only upgrades, downgrades, and sidegrades.
• Agents must inform the customer of the one-time transaction fee related to administrative costs associated with any upgrade, downgrade, or sidegrade of services
Bob Wothe:  In the past, agents have waived this fee for me. Could you please do the same?
TTM Rhonda :  Please read the policy as stated above.
TTM Rhonda :  Is there anything else I can help you with?
Bob Wothe:  I understand; I just have had the fee waived in the past and would appreciate it if you could do the same.
TTM Rhonda :  [10:45:51] TTM Rhonda : • A standard Change of Service fee applies to all* No Truck/Office Only upgrades, downgrades, and sidegrades.
• Agents must inform the customer of the one-time transaction fee related to administrative costs associated with any upgrade, downgrade, or sidegrade of services
Bob Wothe:  OK, I see that you're not budging.
TTM Rhonda :  I cannot budge, I have a policy to follow. You did make changes to your account.
Bob Wothe:  Anyway, last question, I promise: How do we get from $49.99 for cable + $34.99 for internet + $15 for DVR, which equals $99.98, to $101.13 per month?
TTM Rhonda :  TV tax of 1.16
TTM Rhonda :  Is there anything else I can help you with?
Bob Wothe:  That will do. Thank you for your time and patience. You have a wonderful day, now.
TTM Rhonda :  I will notate your account of our chat today about your services. Thank you for entrusting me with your concerns.
For all other Charter inquiries please chat back in. You may visit our website anytime at
www.charter.net to manage your account, make payments as well as review all our wonderful products.
If you require further assistance, go to www.charter.com/contact
Your session has ended. You may now close this window.

A treatise on my health (or lack thereof)

Because it's kind of becoming a pain to explain it to everyone individually.

Here's the short version:

I have syringomyelia (also known as syringohydromyelia). You can read more about it here if you'd like, or you can just take me at my word when I say it's a cavity in my spinal cord that is filled with brain fluid. As a possible cause or result of this condition, I also have six bulging or protruding discs and some bone spurs in my neck.

After a battery of tests that included an EMG on my right arm and MRI's on my brain, neck and spine, I am now heading to see a neurosurgeon at the UW Hospital in Madison.

Now here's the long version:

Ever since I was in high school, I've had some sort of right wrist pain. I always chalked it up to frequent computer use and assumed I had carpal tunnel.

In the past few years, it has gotten worse. While my wrist had always been the primary source of pain, my right fingers and hand have gotten very stiff and painful, and my forearm got to the point where it constantly throbbed. It got bad enough at some point last year that I bought a wrist brace to wear at night, and I frequently even wear it around the house during the day.

Still, I never really thought much of it. The only thing that really crossed my mind was, "Eh, I have carpal tunnel. That sucks, but I'm not going to pay for surgery, so what's the difference?"

Anyway, Clara was born in January, so it didn't take long for us to hit our insurance deductible. Since I haven't had a physical since 2007 and the prevailing thought is that you ought to get two physicals in your 20s, I scheduled one in June with a physician I'd never met before.  

Of course, I mentioned that I had hand/wrist/forearm pain and that I figured I had carpal tunnel. The doctor quickly shot down that notion due to the location of the pain. He folded and bent my arm in a few different directions, tapping on my arm all the while. When he folded it back toward me, my fingers felt kind of numb. He asked if they were numb, I responded in the affirmative, and I was diagnosed: Ulnar nerve entrapment.

I was a little bit confused because it didn't explain my forearm pain at all -- it's a totally different nerve that runs through my forearm where the pain is. That said, he recommended some physical therapy, and I started that in mid-June. Initially, I thought it was helping. Although my forearm was becoming more sore, I thought the wrist and fingers were a bit more limber if not less painful.

However, whatever progress I thought I was making disappeared fairly quickly. By my seventh appointment or so, my pain was way up -- I had started describing the pain as a "3 or 4" and had shot up to a "6 or 7." My right hand grip strength, which had started weak at 75 pounds (the male average for the dominant hand is 110 pounds, and my left hand was 100 pounds), was down to 65 pounds.  

My forearm was atrophying.

My physical therapist asked another therapist what she thought I ought to do, and her recommendation was to contact my doctor and get referred to a physiatrist for an EMG to test the nerves in my arm.

I wasn't thrilled about this, but hey -- I figured it was progress toward nailing down the problem.

So I went to see the physiatrist -- Dr. Walby -- on July 22.

I described my symptoms and she immediately shook off the ulnar nerve entrapment diagnosis. This was no surprise.

I was surprised, though, when I left her office a few hours later without getting an EMG. Instead, I had an order for an MRI of my brain and neck. If she had to guess that day, her diagnosis would have been a brain tumor!

I had to wait 10 relatively nerve-racking days just to get the MRI, and then it was four more days to get the results.

As it turned out, I did not have a brain tumor. (Whew.) I was just happy that it wasn't the worst-case scenario.

Instead, I was shown MRI pictures showing something strange running down the middle of my spinal cord. As it turned out, this was syringohydromyelia (again, a.k.a. syringomyelia). I also was shown six bulging or protruding discs in my neck and upper back.

Anyway, as Dr. Walby explained it at the time, my symptoms were probably being caused by some combination of these two things -- the pressure from the syringomyelia pushing outward and the pressure from the discs pinching down on the nerves as they protruded.

Still, again, this was generally good news. It sure beat a brain tumor. That's not even close to the end of the story, though, because I needed another MRI, this time on my T-spine, to determine how deep the syringomyelia went -- the brain/neck MRI set only showed down to my T-2 vertebrae, and it went at least that far. They also wanted to look for anything -- like a tumor, again -- that might be causing it.

I didn't have to wait as long for the MRI this time -- only three days -- but in the meantime, I was prescribed a painkiller (Tramadol) to dull the pain. I also did some research on syringomyelia.

Syringomyelia is pretty rare -- only 8.4 cases per 100,000 people. Most of these cases are a result of something called Chiari malformation, which is essentially where the bony space at the rear of the skull is smaller than normal and brain tissue actually gets pushed downward into the spine.

I, however, do not have Chiari malformation. With that ruled out, the other possibilities are that it's caused by genetics (highly unlikely), a tumor (unlikely), nothing (idiopathic -- somewhat likely), or trauma (most likely).

In my case, trauma is most likely because, well, I have the upper back and neck of a 60-year-old. Those six bulging or protruding discs in my neck and upper back, along with the handful of bone spurs in my neck, are unlikely to have come from nothing. Whether it was a lifetime of football, a baseball to the back of the head, or screwing around in the ocean in Australia, I can think of a fair number of trauma events to my head and neck that could have easily been the start of all this. I've never thought I have any particular neck or back pain, but pain is a funny thing -- you just get used to a lot of things. I can't believe the pain I feel, for instance, when the painkillers I'm now on wear off.

Anyway, after the MRI, I had to wait eight more days to get back into my doctor while wondering if I had a tumor in my back.

Fortunately, the result was, once again, no tumor. As for the syrinx (the term for a fluid-filled cavity within the spinal cord), while syringomyelia comes in all different shapes and sizes, my particular case extends all the way down my spine to my T-12 vertebrae and is about 1-2 mm.

Dr. Walby finally gave me the EMG I never got a month ago, and as she initially suspected, it came up clean. As of 5 p.m. yesterday (Aug. 16), the plan was to wait until November to get another MRI to see if it the syrinx was changing in any fashion. That would determine, theoretically, if they would operate on it to stop it from doing any more damage, or if they would continue to just keep an eye on it and medicate me to relieve some of the pain.

This approach was frustrating, but I understood why she was taking it. Depending on what you read or who you talk to, syringomyelia is either not a huge deal or completely life-changing. Some people have syringomyelia forever and never even notice it. However, when you have symptoms like I do, it's more toward the completely life-changing end of the spectrum.

Anyway, I also mentioned at the appointment yesterday that I've been having some additional symptoms in the past week or so. I've been frequently dizzy -- which isn't necessarily a surprise since it's a common side-effect of Tramadol -- but I've also had a lot of twitching muscles all over my body. Probably like anyone else, I've gotten twitches and minor spasms occasionally throughout my life, but in the past 3-4 days especially, something is twitching literally every couple of minutes.

My doctor seemed somewhat perturbed by these reports, and said she would run them by the neurologist at Agnesian after I left. She thought the neurologist at Agnesian might want to see me in the interim (before the November MRI) or even run some diagnostic tests right away.

Well, my doctor and the neurologist reviewed all of my symptoms and MRIs once more. As it turned out, they both advised that I ought to go ahead right away and get a surgical opinion on it from a neurosurgeon at the UW Hospital in Madison.

The nurse reported that instead of the bulging discs being evidence of trauma that may have caused the syringomyelia, the neurologist posited that they could be bulging because of the outward pressure the syrinx is applying from inside my spinal cord.

Anyway, it's obviously all guesswork, and you could certainly take this as either good or bad news. From my perspective, I think it's good news because we're taking active steps to solve the problem now rather than taking a wait-and-see approach. The worst part, so far, is that I was told I can't lift more than 50 pounds. I'm not yet sure if I'm going to abide by that or not.

That brings us to the here and now. I'm not yet sure of when my appointment with Dr. Robert Dempsey at the UW Hospital will be -- didn't get a call back from the clinic yet -- but hopefully it's not too far down the road.

At this point, my understanding is that the operation would insert a shunt in the back of my skull that would drain the brain fluid into my abdominal cavity. Dr. Walby has been making this sound like a fairly simple operation, and in some ways I guess it is, but I'm also reading that you have to lie flat on your back for 24 hours following the operation. Even after that, it appears that you're stuck in the hospital for 3-7 days afterward! Great!

Other possible surgical options would appear to consist of some sort of decompression, but that hasn't been mentioned yet. If Dr. Dempsey decides not to operate at this point -- and that's still certainly a possibility because these shunts carry plenty of risks with infections and blockages -- my understanding is that they would basically just keep me on a steady cocktail of drugs and a steady diet of MRIs to make sure nothing is changing. 

So, that's that. You can still feel free to ask questions ... I've just grown weary of telling that entire story to each new person that finds out.